Maybe a little too much?

This incredibly big world is somewhat obsessed with ”the light at the end of the tunnel”. Period. Everyone wants to be positive and all chirpy and happy, all the time. If you are not happy with yourself and your life, there is definitely, without a doubt something wrong with you. If your goal in this life is not to attain that happily ever after, then what is it that you are living for?

The usual concept goes by that the darkness can be a little overwhelming and often because of it, the person loses his way. Whereas, to able to dream of that happily ever after, you first need to dream, be able to see that light, that tiny glimmer at the end of your tunnel because only when you do, you will be able to do anything.

I remember this saying that goes by, ”beware of the cracks, its where the light gets in”.  What these 10 words feel like is, when you are stuck in a hole and there are these tiny cracks in the walls above you and all of a sudden, from nowhere, water starts pouring through the cracks into your hole. Soon enough, all there is, is water and you; suffocating in the lack of air.
There is a reason why don’t like to look at the sun directly to its core, not because of the warmth but the light is just a little too much.

Why are we so obsessed with this light?

I can’t understand and here is my guess:
We are not humans, we are robots and we like to talk big on feelings and emotions and all these things but we can’t actually understand them. We do try our best though. Thus, some centuries ago, when robots, just like us, could not understand what to do, they created these illusions for themselves, these poised illusions, where they were so hard working and true and felt things and wanted nothing to more than to be perfect. The hardship of their lives were dawning on them and they couldn’t handle it anymore, so they created this light at the end their tunnels and when they finally reached their light. When the bright countless rays, shone on them, they hid themselves, from themselves and others and bragged about how happy they were to feel the light on their skins, when in fact, the same light was burning their skins.
When our time came, the late few generations, we were just prone to the light burning us. We got happy because of the innumerable amount of light, the one, we couldn’t look at. It made us more happy because if we couldn’t look at it, we couldn’t look at ourselves and nothing has ever made us more happier.

Personally, I think that the too much of this light is overwhelming too.

I do realize that I am just a narcissist teenager, who thinks she is way above everyone else, and not thankful enough for all the many blessing in her life. Maybe, because this light won’t let me clearly see those blessings. I know how beautiful life is.

I have felt the beauty of it, when I am all alone in the middle of the woods, with no noise around me but only me with my graceful walk, leaving behind no trace of my existence. Or when I am with my family, in those late night roof tops and days long gossiping. Or when I am with my friends or meeting new people; and consciously presenting pieces of myself to them. I’ve felt life in those moments, with the light breeze touching my naked exposed skin, leaving stirs of coldness behind and the warmth of the sun that passes through every crack in my skin to the flow of my blood and makes me feel warm from within.  And, when I look up and feel the Earth moving around the sun, only to feel the calm air all around me, stirring nothing but the presence of itself.
And I am sure that the life is more and more beautiful than what I have experienced but we are not living life, are we?

We are living in this excess of light, and everyone is teaching the other to not let out how much the light is burning them up and appear happy and calm, as if there isn’t a tornado inside. We claim to be humans but we are actually robots. We sure seem to act like them, so poised and perfect and caring and helpful and most importantly, dead inside. Plus, robots die too, so there goes that argument.

The whole world today wants peace and no one has felt any peace within.

Someone keeps telling me that he is confused and I never know what to say because I am just as confused. The world does not make sense to me. I found light, at the end of the tunnel and I don’t want the wisdom its handing over to me; because I have seen it at its use and it is pointless. So, I decided to go back to my dark cuckoo and start making sense of the world around me from there.

I know, most people don’t find happiness in the dark but I do. I have been living for long in it to know that because when I found the light, I was too busy shielding my eyes from light and looking to happy to look for anything else.

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