Over a week ago, my friend and I were talking. Our conversation steered in the direction of how she has been feeling lately which is to say depressed.
I know her conditions and the situations in her home and in her personal life and thus I was before hand aware of the fact that she suffers from extreme depression.
She is an 18 years old teenager- who is going through major changes in her life and phasing from highschool to college.
Evidently, she began telling me how she has been feeling lately and I tried consoling her. Somewhere along, she said that she had began hating herself more and that this hate or self-loathing is not because of depression rather it is rooted completely outside the circle of depression.
For those who are not familiar with depression, I am going to explain something.
Depression is more like a virus. It infects the person but does not override the whole of mind from the beginning. It is a slow and meandering process and still it is corrupting and corrosive. Depression is very small in the beginning, it sets foot in the mind and then the flower blooms and the petals starts to spread. However, it is always an outsider. Thus a person still has all motor function of his brain and has a every knowledge of himself as a conscious human being. Depression is more like a feeling. It never overrides human function; it only creates an atmosphere in the brain, which leads to a person and his impaired and emotional judgement and decision making.
No matter the severity, a person always knows who he is. And more often, in cases, like my friend, the person, outside of the depression circle starts hating himself and yet still there is the self-loathing that comes with depression.
My friends, hates herself because she has depression. In other words, she is lost at words to justify her depression to her family and friends and thus in response to their cold behavior, she now wants to kill the depressive part of herself.
I think this is very wrong. This is abuse. Depression can not and should not have to be justified. It is a curse and no one ever willingly puts this curse upon themselves. It is absurd to think that one can be happy all the time or that even in most happy yet pretentious and calm environments, a person can not catch depression.
The problem begins in acknowledging. Most people around act as if depression is not real and that if you would try to ignore it for long enough, it will eventually disappear. It will not, I can assure that.
Then again, those same people do these acts of ignorance because they are just simply afraid of the unknown- that is depression. These people are not brave to own and accept the truth of mental illnesses and are hypocrites who ruins and causes depression for others.
Depression is real and terrifying, yet it only comes to those who are brave enough to accept it. Fighting it or not, is another topic altogether. Most of us can fight it and most of us can’t. There is no shame. There is no judgement and if there is, then it only hypo-critic judgment from hypocrite people.
And, lastly, depression can and does lead to suicide. The word itself is horrifying but only the brave of us can end their lives. I am not supporting suicide nor am I passing judgement to those who follow it.
I am simply understanding and I am asking everyone to do the same. Save yourself and the person you love till the last you can but when they decide to go, know this that they fought their best. They fought their hardest and you can understand that because you know what the fighting is like. You know you’ll be fighting till the rest of your life.
I understand this. You understand this. Let’s try not to ask for justifications because there aren’t any justifications.