Who are we?
What is there other than flesh and blood and bones?
What is our consciousness?
What is being alive?
These are questions I can not find the answers too and in search of these answers I have to come to see world as place meaningless and full of suffering.
I think I find this place and my life meaningless because I have lost myself and in doing so I have lost part of me that was alive.
But I believe that I am not the only one going through this. These are thoughts that don’t occupy my mind alone but there are people my age, like me who are haunted by the same things I am. I am speaking to you, to us.
When I lost myself due to several reasons, I fell on the path of ignorance. I ignored that I was lost and started lying to myself and others that I was not lost. More than that, I forgot that I was lost. In today’s time the word for it is pretendence. So I began pretending and I was so immersed in my role that before I knew it I filled the void left by losing myself.
Almost a year or two later, I saw people that I loved and wanted to make proud of and I saw all the things in them that I admired. And when my conscience woke and desired to come into reflection of what those people were, I realized that I could not do that. I could not even try to be something like those people, because there was no self in me that would try. I was devastated. But because I knew that I had to kill my time on Earth, I couldn’t stand to not try. Because there was nothing in me, I tried to replace them in myself, so that if ever, I found myself there would be no place to place myself within me. I tried it multiple times with those people and they continuously told me to not do so. I refused their advice and did what I thought was right.
If I had, place replications of them within, I would have been precise with the intricate details. It would have been perfect but because there sizes and mine are not the same, they just wouldn’t have fitted perfectly. Anticipating the anger in such a case because of the place left uncovered by them, I left the whole idea half way.
And then stuck.
Not moving forward with the idea not moving backward.
I couldn’t move forward with the idea because my conscience already afraid of the anticipated anger was advicing me to place myself within myself. I however, could not do that because I did not know where I was.
Stuck and I decided to write this.
I think it is important to be who we are because that is the only way we have a chance of living this life. It is how we live and unscared and daring live. It does not mean that I do not see those qualities in those person any more that tempted me to be like them. I still do, but now, I will just change those habits within me with the modified versions of theirs.
That is my story uptil now, I have yet to find myself and be myself. Both tasks of grave difficult magnitude.
But I have a profession, let us all stand United. All of us who have to embark on this journey, let’s do this together, helping each over along the way.
Lets do it together, let’s together find meaning to live and provide happiness to those we live.
You know my email: Naba.Mehdi@Hotmail.com. Share with me your story and we will together do it. I will help you. You can help me.