Wedding Bells.

My family is different from our families of our society and we have always been proud of that. We are different in our values of family and our relationships with each other. In my family, I have too many brothers and too many sisters. This is because all of us cousins are just brothers and sisters. We grew up that way. 

Two months ago, one of my brothers got married. I have been waiting for him to get married for as long as I can remember. And the Wedding was definitely worth the wait. 

A week before the wedding, everyone started coming. My sister from America, who also happen to have my amazing niece, came two days after I went to Lahore. 

And I was at the airport picking her up and my 2 years old niece, who had never met before, just came into my arms, swiftly. 

Here is how it all happened! 

We stayed up for the next 3 hours because she wanted to play with her khala (mother’s sister) and mamu (mother’s brother). 

The dance practices everyday from 6pm to 11pm. In the middle you can see my white brother who danced on all the desi songs. 

Right after the breakfast for some 25 people, it’s decoration time because it’s a wedding house and so it should look like one too. 

The family dinners from different uncles because it’s a wedding and everyday should be celebrated. 

Day one of official functions.

Some birthdays between the wedding. 

Nikkah. The ceremony where you sign the papers and say I do. I do. I do. 

This picture was taken at 6 in the morning because it was an early morning function at a mosque. 

The ride.

Because he is the eldest brother! 

Because I like to stay in the company of my brothers. 

This is an old tradition, when the bride and the groom had not met before, after their Nikkah, they would see each other for the first time though this mirror.  

With groom. But she was already a sisier. 

As I said, I have a very big family. 

The next function. 

Mehndi. The boys side visits the girls side, and there is only food and music. 

The three Sisters. 

We are the same clothes sisters. 

The mamu, is always the innocent person in the family. 

The final function. 

Because someone has to wear money their neck. 

The iPad uncle. 

The only thing this guy knows is how to dance. 

Rukhsati. Heading home now. 

Say thanks to God for such a pretty bride. 

Because she’s hungry.

But things don’t end there. They continue, the next day. 

And then we will all lay here in the room and sleep. 

Because re-do. 

What I wouldn’t do for my niece. 

Let’s get out of the house!

Let’s go home now. 

One has gone home and are having breakfast for one. 

-Naba Mehdi. 

Together. 

Who are we? 

What is there other than flesh and blood and bones? 

What is our consciousness? 

What is being alive? 

These are questions I can not find the answers too and in search of these answers I have to come to see world as place meaningless and full of suffering. 

I think I find this place and my life meaningless because I have lost myself and in doing so I have lost part of me that was alive. 

But I believe that I am not the only one going through this. These are thoughts that don’t occupy my mind alone but there are people my age, like me who are haunted by the same things I am. I am speaking to you, to us. 

When I lost myself due to several reasons, I fell on the path of ignorance. I ignored that I was lost and started lying to myself and others that I was not lost. More than that, I forgot that I was lost. In today’s time the word for it is pretendence.                                                     So I began pretending and I was so immersed in my role that before I knew it I filled the void left by losing myself. 

Almost a year or two later, I saw people that I loved and wanted to make proud of and I saw all the things in them that I admired. And when my conscience woke and desired to come into reflection of what those people were, I realized that I could not do that. I could not even try to be something like those people, because there was no self in me that would try. I was devastated. But because I knew that I had to kill my time on Earth, I couldn’t stand to not try.                                             Because there was nothing in me, I tried to replace them in myself, so that if ever, I found myself there would be no place to place myself within me. I tried it multiple times with those people and they continuously told me to not do so. I refused their advice and did what I thought was right. 

If I had, place replications of them within, I would have been precise with the intricate details. It would have been perfect but because there sizes and mine are not the same, they just wouldn’t have fitted perfectly. Anticipating the anger in such a case because of the place left uncovered by them, I left the whole idea half way. 

And then stuck. 

Not moving forward with the idea not moving backward. 

I couldn’t move forward with the idea because my conscience already afraid of the anticipated anger was advicing me to place myself within myself.                          I however, could not do that because I did not know where I was. 

Stuck and I decided to write this.   

I think it is important to be who we are because that is the only way we have a chance of living this life. It is how we live and unscared and daring live. It does not mean that I do not see those qualities in those person any more that tempted me to be like them. I still do, but now, I will just change those habits within me with the modified versions of theirs. 

That is my story uptil now, I have yet to find myself and be myself. Both tasks of grave difficult magnitude.

 But I have a profession, let us all stand United. All of us who have to embark on this journey,  let’s do this together, helping each over along the way. 

Lets do it together, let’s together find meaning to live and provide happiness to those we live. 

You know my email: Naba.Mehdi@Hotmail.com. Share with me your story and we will together do it. I will help you. You can help me.

-Naba Mehdi.

Midnight snacks.

All night owls are foodies at four in the morning. Since it is 4 in the morning, here in Pakistan right now my cravings for my final meal of the day have kicked in. 

Midnight snacks are usually junk food or fast food stuff and as it happened today I was short of both. I debated in my head whether to sleep on an unfulfilled-craving stomach or to make some ends meet and find something to eat.

Not much of a genuis when you guess It, I chose the latter. 

And my midnight snack for today, turned to be ‘alu gosht’. 

Alu (potatoes) gosht (meat).                         It is a liquid sorbet sort full of spices and meat and potatoes. 

But it heaven to eat. 

When you eat it with a bread, it is an accurate intense point of perfection where all the spices meet and bring out the best possible flavor that they could conjure. It is a taste of water elevated, to the point where it burns your throat. It is a pinch of sweetness to a mouthful flavor of rainbow that you just cage in your mouh and at every bite you become Remy from ratatoulie and you want to take as much time as possible to let the essence of humbleness last in your mouth! 

Sometimes midnight snacks are just desi. 

-Naba Mehdi. 

who are we afraid of?? 

I think everyone might feel this way, or might have felt this way once in their lives.

When you feel the earth rotating around the sun but somehow you are not. As if you are not in the earth. Because the thing is that life is moving on. Day after day. Sunrise after sunrise but you are stuck. You are not moving with it.

But no one notices.

Life was supposed to be good. The universe was supposed to be a friend. So where did we fell short? How did we humans became so lost.

Call it depression or anxiety or sadness or whatever illness, but it is not that. It is the realization of yourself.

It is to be in the knowledge of how much screwed this world has become and how much we are running after pointless things.

We, humans have a brain that is so powerful that it can create fabrications of the desires that one holds in his heart and when the artist sees it all play through this head, he feels the joy that the accomplishment might bring once achieved and somehow, unfortunately, that becomes enough. To feel it though our head becomes enough.

Why?

Because we are scared animals. All of us. But the question is who are we scared off? Neglecting religious beliefs, there is no one who is rulling us. We have kings and queens and presidents and prime ministers but we know their names, they don’t know ours. They are not rulling us, they just live in their own fabrication that are in power.

And even with them, there are so many of them. So many countries and so many presidents and all of them, all always at each other’s throats.

So, it is in fact we ourselves, harming each other. We are all scared of none other than each other, even though we are all equal. I can do to you, what you can do to me. And we do that to each other. If it weren’t for that? Why would I feel so lost today? Or why would you have had to fight yesterday, to find yourself? And then cry on your pillow for losing yet again.

The fabrication in my head is to why we are lost is, that Because the universe gave up on us. It let down on its promise that it made to each and every one of us on the moments that we were born.

It made a promise, and the deal was sealed when we felt all that warmth and air all with the force of millions of tiny atomic particles touching us all over, as we came out of our mothers womb. It promised us that it would provide with people to keep us company in the light of the sun and when the moon shone, it would remind us, with all these thoughts in our heads that we needn’t be afraid. And then, the universe promised that it would guide us all through life and will finally reveal itself when we enter into eternal peace.

But we never got so far. It have us all people and in that crowd we forget to smile to the universe and heart broken, it lost us.

Little did we know, that we’d be losing ourself.

With us on our own. We are terrorizing each other. And we allow ourselves to be terrorized.

In that terror, a child loses its dreams. A boy gives up on his happily every after. A girl gives on being equal and as a boy. A mother gives into fear that never ends. A father gives into slavery.

And the universe broke its word and abandoned us.

With out watching over us, we are retaliating in fear, fear of the unknown, fear of what might happen to us, if we chose to live, if we chose to be who we are.                                                                         If I chose to post this on my Facebook? Because truth be told, then all of my 267 friends, will gain judgement about me and who knows I might just lose myself a little more us?                                                   But then I will play my part in the cycle and I will immediately find a person and make him lose some of himself and the cycle will continue.

And the universe will keep on crying.

Why have we made life so Shit? Shit was supposed to be good. Shit.

-Naba Mehdi.