This year when the clock struck 12, I did not even flinch in the anticipation of the new year. I was busy in watching a tv season and it was half an hour in when I realized it was already 2017.
No resolutions. No new me, vows.
This morning, I finally watched my 3 years awaited episode of Sherlock, Naturally, it raced my brain into thinking new and innovative ideas and my deepest desires. I was thinking these all new sorts of ideas and what should I do about the things that I have been putting off.
It has been sometime that I have been thinking about how I want to live my life. What if the society doesn’t approve or if I am wrong. Because frankly, I am 18 and well, sometimes all I want is to use my brain the best I can and be someone, worth being in this life. (Yeah, I know, too young to think about these things.)
However, in the past years, I have seen, rather observed some unsettling things about the real world. Like deep down, you have to worry or be depressed and prepare yourself for the worst but on the frontier you have to pretend like you couldn’t really care. Be cool!
There was this other thing, that you have friends and family and all of them most of the time are claiming to be really supportive in any ambition that you might be growing. Everyone pretends to be too understanding and just shutting the shade of critics from near you but- the reality is, no matter how many people there are surrounding you, you in fact are alone- to face everything. But you can not say this out loud because can’t you see all these people hovering over your shoulders.
All in all, you are alone but don’t say this out loud because then you are negative and unhappy and disappointing and unthankful.
So, I realized while watching Sherlock, this life we have to live alone even with people all around us. We are alone inside our heads. We are alone when we are the monsters.
So, why not just live this life for yourself, making something of it.
This year, I will devote myself to learning and knowledge. Gaining these. Acquiring talents that I always wanted to. Not a month or days of practice, rather a year of practice, Rome wasn’t built in a day and when I am living this life, why not live it with my terms?
As depressing and underrated this world is, we are living. We are the black color bringing the life to this white world. Silently we have to hang ourselves, just how, where and when, we can be in control of.
Hence begins my black and white year!!