I have not written something in sometime. I had my exams. Then they weren’t, yet, I still have not written anything.
I have quite some ideas in my mind. Some ideas to organize my website and add new and interesting stuff into it. Stuff that I have been dying to write.
Even though I have not written anything. My brain had been cooking stuff to write. I sit on a bus and see people and think, I am definitely going to write this in my blog and then I think of all the words that I am going to use. All those words flow and arrangement in my mind, ready to be typed.
Yet, they are not typed. For some reason my brain, is not up for the hard work of organizing. I am a messy person and so I guess is my brain.
Thoughts were roaming in my mind until this morning.
This morning when I woke up. My mind when I woke this morning was shut. All those thoughts and words roaming in there are gone. Sent into the stardust. The conscious being has disappeared. As if the the brain had given up on me and went away. As if I had disappointed him in so many ways that nothing remains now for salvation.
This is how i am now. My brain giving up on me. Shutting its door on me. My own self giving up on me.
Do you ever wonder how’d that feel?
Believe me, it is not a good feeling.
When you are trying so hard to connect with your mind but you find errors in connection.
Right now at this moment, I am writing without thoughts.
My house has thrown me out. Disowned me. I need to make them accept me back. I need to make them realize that I am one of them. That I love them about all else.
Roaming in the streets, without knowing where you are or what the future holds for you, is scary and yet somehow I do not even feel scared. The shutting of brain also has the withdrawn of feelings. The good and the bad alike.
So now I am left with nothing. A helpless wandered, trying to find it’s place in this world. A task that seems impossible at this moment.
A fight that needs to be fought. A lone wolf. Capturing of the castle that once was mine.
But the kingdom is mine and I am a survivor!