Shredded Humanity.

Over here in Pakistan, according to the Islamic calendar, it is the Ramadan month. The month of fasting.
Everywhere, everyone is on fasts, from like 3 in the morning till 7 in the evening.
The children obviously have holidays but the man do not. They have to work their jobs. Also, it is the summer season with extreme moisture. I can only imagine what it must be like for the poor class who have to work outdoors in this whether.
Let me not be so humble and think about them. No one really flutters their eyes when someone claims this sentence,’ What must it be like for the poor class to work outdoors.’

I went out with some friends today. The opening of the fast is called ‘Aftari’, I went out for Aftari. We went to McDonald’s. A nice gathering. We went their a little early so while we were sitting and chatting, an employee came and forced (in a polite way), my friends and me to give our feedback. We complied with it.
We then went to order.
I was standing there and waiting for my order. It was nearly the aftari time. A guard came and asked for 5 cokes. I guess they were being generous in their opinion and were giving free cokes and stuff to the guards and everyone.
The guard asked for it and some superior heard the order and said, I might add in a very disgusting tone to come back after the aftari.
The guard looked at him, helplessly, a satisfying smile appearing on his face, his was young about 29 or 30. I guess he had two children, and with the smile he asked in quiet voice,’Are we not to do the aftari?’
He had the satisfying smile, I guess because he was smiling at the universe for not letting him down. Not letting him down for he knew he was poor and he had no class to order or afford McDonald’s, he was not to be given any respect because people were waiting who were paying.

I did not do anything. I picked up my order and left. I did not pay for anything. My friend who payed, she only ate her fries and let all the other thing go to waste. That simply.

It has been 9 hours now. I am home, with my new fast. And I have this constant picture of that guard and his smile and his words. They are buzzing in my mind and I am disgusted at myself for not saying anything, for not standing up for him. What kind of a person am I?

I don’t think that guard was hurt or any disappointed feeling, I don’t think he felt like that. He did not even feel embarresed. I would have. That is an insult.
The next time I feel anything, I’ll be reminded of that. I won’t be able to feel. I won’t feel good about it. It is a regret of some sort.
A regret forever. I’ll go again to that place, I’ll eat something, enjoy. And I can go because my father works, same in this hot whether, but he sits in a Air Conditioned office.
That guard did not have that luxury.

Was he to open his fast with water, hot water, because he had a job. And I guess, eat nothing too because I don’t think they are allowed to eat on duty.
Is that what he is worth?
And interestingly, if there were an attack he would the first one to die.

Why are we so heartless? Why am I so heartless?
We are not humans. He was a human.
This world is disgusting.
All the religion of the worlds and all the good manners and all the money is good for nothing if we are to do this.

That smile will haunt me forever. I let an innocent man die and did nothing.

We are not okay. We deserve nothing. Not one of us. Only him and people like him.

-Naba Mehdi.


Lionel Messi, a Legend.

The first footballer name I ever learned was Messi’s. Yes, because he is an all time favorite footballer of my time. Ronaldo doesn’t fall behind short. He is great too. He is incredible at tricks and Messi is just an old-fashioned dribbler.

There is a world in this world, a world of people who have achieved their dreams. They can’t be in the other world because they just don’t fit in. They are legends. We all feel like we don’t fit in places from time to time and that there must be some other world for me. We don’t belong to the other world, because we are not ready for the hard work and responsibilities.
People who have the guts to work hard and go for what they believe in, that is something to admire and to take inspiration from.
They belong to a superior world, where people who just sit and watch and wait for things to happen to them are not. We call it the fictional world because it is far away from our reach.

It has people like Leo Messi, in it.

He is a footballer but something more too. He is motivation and inspiration. He is an example that decent people can survive too and just do what feels right to them. He is an example that even with all the politics and discriminations and racism, people can find some meaning to their lives. That people can be who they really are.

He is like that. Leo Messi.
An interesting thing is he has retired from the national football. He is not dead. Most of us are talking as if he has died.

There has been something in the way he plays. He has brought a sort of magic to it. I remember watching Barcelona’s or Argentina’s match and when Messi has the ball and he running with it and the opposing teams 4 or 5 players surround him and run after him, and the shouting and cursing that we do seeing him, because they are cheating. He is one guy how on earth can he get away from all those people but he does, and our heart beats run a little faster with him because he just might make it. He just might goal.
Sometimes he does and Sometimes he does not.  Everyone has this. Its normal.

I like too assess people’s personalities. And I have watched Messi perform and how he is, the way he talks and the way he behaves. All of it just points to what an exemplary sophisticated person he really is.
Messi is a footballer, but he is more. There is a reason why everyone is going crazy about it, about the fact that he has retired, that he has given up.
He is someone who minds his own business. He gets on the field to play, to play his best. He is that decent. Anyone can see that. He does not wait around for chit chats. He just plays. Does what he is great at.
Our brains are motivation desperate, hungry beings. Interestinly we all want to be some famous persons. We are all looking for fame. And when we see someone like Messi, performing in the field, (it can be any field), we automatically want to be that person or be someone like that person. We all want to be like Messi.
He does that to people.

From my perception of Messi, he is an utmost decent guy. He had always stayed away from the politics, he loves what he does, he loves to play football, he plays because he wants to, for no one but himself, and maybe he is the best kind of selfish.
I want to be the kind of person Messi is.
That is what he is, an ideal, in all senses.

I stayed up all night to watch that Final. Yes, it hurt that he missed that penalty, but imagine yourself performing in such pressure and then to give a complete disaterous presentation, how do you feel about yourself? Does your mind let you rest? Does it give you peace?
No. There are so many voices in there in those moments, ready to tear you apart.
So I guess when the rest of the penalties shorts were being taken and Messi was standing away from his teammates, hands knocked in his shirt, I guess that is how he must be feeling.
Have some mercy, people.

My father used to tell me that the Brazilian people are football crazy. If Brazil were to lose any match, the footballer and the people would commit suicide.
This is how the football world is feeling right now, to see Messi retired.

You can’t rest easy when someone great breaks away from the world. There are people who believe that they don’t belong in this world. Their attributes of thoughts and lifestyles is just not unanimous with the rest of the world.

They can’t claim to it in the bright daylight because then follows a fuss that the rest of the people go to for creating label for that one singe soul.
That sort of people are becoming extinct now, there are only a few left.

Not everyone with the capability to think is that person because not everyone has the will to become who they are meant to be.

Those people, people like Messi, people who have become they are meant to be or wanted to be have a spiritual/mental connection between them. Doesn’t matter how scattered they maybe, when one of their people steps down from their position, the rest of them take a break from their dreams, lay down and grief and pass on their energies to the one stepping down, for he needs all the energy he can get  to conjure up the courage to step down. All of them put their hands together for the support of that one.
In my opinion that is somewhat humanity.

People all over the world are depressed because Messi has stepped down.  I have been depressed. I still am.  Because he is a great human being, he is supposed to do so much more, he is supposed to achieve so much more. He won’t.

I think he retired because of some football politics. He did not want to but he had to. He is a human being. He is like us. He is a legend. He is a champion.

He is an inspiration and motivation. Yes, he is a footballer, but he showed that if you truly want to do something, with a lot of hard work, you can get it done. You just need to know what it is that you to be.

He is like a teacher. He taught us all in a secret language that we understood in our hearts and minds, without any conscious knowledge. He has been teaching us a lesson, stay away from the grasps of the wild world. Be a star but be decent. Live a decent life. Do what you do best.

I have not met him. But I hope to, one day, when I am like him, a legend in whichever field I want to be, and then we will be of the same fictional worlds. He will be there, I hope, I will be too. I hope to meet him there.

Our hearts just does not want to accept it. Most of us don’t even know why it is that we are sad and depressed for his leave. We have attached our feelings and dream with him. Most of us, I can say this because I had been, running behind my dreams draining inspiration from him. He never wanted to have this much fame or thought of it. He just had it, with it also comes that pressure that we put on him.

Messi is beautiful. He plays beautiful. He is a beautiful human being. Let us hope that we all can be someone like him.

Yes, I am depressed because my teacher has stopped doing his magic and this just may be the stupidest thing you may have read about his stepping down. So be it.
I love Lionel Messi. I have pictured him decent and sophisticated and a magician. Nothing can change that.

I am a fan and I just wait to see you play for Barcelona.

Messi, football or not, you rule in our hearts.
Long may you reign.

-Naba Mehdi.










What do you want to read today?

What do you want to read today?

Let us have a decent totally imaginary chat.
Let me get into my psychopathically functioning mind and guess why you really are here.
You logged in here because you yourself are a writer and or you maybe shy and want to be able to write, or maybe you are just really depressed and want to leave your mind for sometime.

You maybe looking for inspiration to write something.
Lets make this a mind relaxation for whatever it is that you aim to go for the courage to do.

I am going to type up a short story.

Once upon a time, there was a human being. That human, wasn’t a man or a women rather it was both, it was the nature surrounding it. It was the air that was breathing.
It was stuck in an era where it did not belong. It felt like that so many times, as if it wasn’t meant for this world because no one seems have to understand it. It was mis-understood. No one could get a hold of its mind. It was utterly depressed. It cared for everyone and everything, yet no one acknowledged it. It has so many problems and it felt like no one else had that many. It thought that everyone else was happy being the humans they were.

It was going through a dark and dusty period. It felt as though it could no longer do it. It was feeling helpless and frustrated. It didn’t know what to do. It seldom had thoughts to give up, yet something inside of it kept it to push onwards and hold on to that last fading threat of hope. It clung to it.
It was desperate now, it had to do something, something to get out of its mind.
It thought for a long time for what to do. It tried seeking help from others but it knew that they could not help it. No one could help it. It was on its own.

It was sink or swim moment for it.
It thought and thought and fought its way out of the mind, out of the misery. It tired for so hard. It tried controlling its mind, consoling it.
It started believing in itself, finally. It was doing what it should have. It had faith and believe in itself. And so on and on, days like these, days when it constantly tried to keep faith in itself and kept loosing it, it finally learnt to control itself.

It was nowhere success, but finally it was on the right path. It finally did it. After years and months of hard work, it finally found its place.
And then it started living in the fleeting moments of happily ever after.

Yes man, you got it right. It was you! All along.

-Naba Mehdi.

You, Yes you, are not lazy!

Waiting for the right moment.

We in life put so many things on hold. I will do it but not today. I am too tired or I am just not getting the right vibes to do it.
We are like this. We talk like this. We are lazy like this.

Why are we so?  And why does no one ever say’s anything about it?

Why are we so lazy?

We know for a fact that we may die the next minute; this is the level of our uncertainty. Yet, we push things, the next hour, the next day, the next month.
Why don’t we for ourselves stick to what we say or believe?

We even put of using our brains. No, it will take hard work so I’ll just get to it tomorrow. I guess we really want to leave butt prints on the sand of time.

So, here is what I say,
I am not lazy. I need to get as much done in this life as possible.
And you are not lazy. Get off your comfy seat and do the thing you have been putting off. You don’t want to do this to yourself. You want to be remembered after your death. Yes, your death, something you are so scared off. It is at your door.
Don’t respond to the knock. Push yourself to the breaking point and see, how you don’t fall.
Whatever vague idea you have in your mind, set it in motion. I believe in you.   We all do. Get up. You are not lazy!

-Naba Mehdi.

Who Am I?

Who am I?

It is such a mainstream and common question. We hear it daily from different people around. Yet, have we ever asked this of ourselves.
Who am I?
Am I a writer?
Is it what my heart wants to do?

We never ask these questions because we have defined them to be on the philosophical level and we like to say that we live in the real world.
We have created a difference between the two.

I watch movies and seasons and read loads of novels. There comes certain amount of satisfaction from watching those movies. We are trying to look for people who goes through what we are going through and that is why we empathies and see those movies.

I thought I knew who I was. I have been living in this delusion for so long. I knew who I was until one say I realized that wrong. I have no idea who I am.
I am sherlocked.
I miss Derek.
I am somewhat like Mr.Darcy.
Why am I like these people a bit.
Because I admire them, deeply, deliriously, I admire them and want to be like them.
And in this quest I stopped looking for Who I am.

I can never ask my parents these questions nor my friends because we will never meet on the same thought level in these questions.
So, I turn towards the people in movies and season and ask them this questions and in their answer they deflect who they are. Someone I can resemble too.
Remember, I can’t be them.
Neither can you.

What are we doing with our lives if we do not who we are? Does our job not our ambition then?  Because we would not know what our ambition would be?

Why do we live like this? Live in such ignorance.

Does it not depress you people that you do not know who you are?
It certainly does depress me.

Not knowing who I am? Not knowing the purpose to my existence makes me bersick.

And most importantly, why can’t we talk about such stuff. Because it takes us to a philosophical level. So what? We’d only be talking deep and the sort of stuff people talk when they are about to die.
On their death beds they realize that have in fact wasted their lives and wish they had time to do live on more of a philosophical level.
But we, never learn from them and want to have this experience of regret on out death beds when there is nothing more we can do.

I want to know who I am.
I think that is vital for me to know myself to be able to love myself and love the world out there. I believe it would help me make use of my full brain.
Maybe then I would be someone’s admiration and they’d find themselves through my course of experience or a little more possibility, if I fail to find myself than the next person with the same pursue, would not have to begin from the beginning rather he could start from where I left of and maybe he will finally accomplish in finding who he is.

I owe it to myself to at least try.

Or maybe it Is just that the adults have not yet figured it out, which is dreadful just as same. Living your whole lives not knowing who you are.
I can’t think of a more failed life.


The Story Behind a Door
Not a game of thrones reference. I know how much we are all afflicted by Hodor.

Hold The Door.
You don’t know when the biggest thing of your life will walk right through in from that open door.
There are so many doors out there in the world. I guess countless.
Different styles too. Some are half, broken, wasted. But they are door.

Behind every door there is a story that we do not know. Stories with different settings and tune but beautiful stories just the same.

We do not know what goes on behind the door. We walk pass through doors every day, every minute we decide to step out of our doors.

What is a door?
I think it is our shields we show to people, when someone asks us something about our choices, we put on our shields. The bigger the door the more strength it indicates.
No wonder the richest have the biggest doors and the poor have unstable doors, the doors on the brink of falling.

Do you ever wonder what goes on behind a door?

You walk pass by them hearing the shout for help, yet you do nothing.

We are a little like doors too. Our face can be a door. And we make them strong so no one can see what goes on behind the face.
The door is always laughing and seems so normal and perfect but inside the door there can always be a battle going on that we are never aware of because we just pass by lightly.

Our lives are stories. We are stories. We play the characters in our stories, but they are never really in our control. It is so chaotic in our world. Our tiny worlds that we do not let anyone see.
So we close our doors.
Close them to all that can offer vulnerability.

Does what happens behind any door happen behind every door?
I believe so.

There is always someone depressed. Someone who cares. Someone who does not care. Someone who can’t seems to fit in.
Someone and Someone and Someone.

What about houses that do not have doors? And what about the people who do not have any houses? Where can they produce a door from?
Ever wondered about them?
Yes, I am sure. When you were out enjoying with your friends and saw someone dragging on the ground with all his dignity, the thought might have crossed your mind then.
Never before. Never after.

Let me tell you that they have the same stories as we have. The same depth and the same pain. Just without any doors.

Let us not judge the houses by the doors, Shall we?

Hodor. Hold the door, for what’s about to come.
Because a door is red does not necessary means that it is bleeding.

Feel that there are stories behind the door. Let your imagination wander. Behind the door in 221b there was Sherlock or behind the vast door of Pemberley lived the amazing Mr. Darcy.

You never know, behind what door is what story.

-Naba Mehdi

Bon Voyage

Aye Aye,
To the biggest voyage of your life,
No one knows how long it will last,
But once you are in, 
It is one for all.

‘Bonjour,’ It said,
‘I am the universe,’
‘I am your constant companion through out the journey,’
‘For I know than most, among the most.’ 

Put on your seat belt,
Said the mother, 
And pushed for the hardest she could,
Thus began a journey to the ultimate end.

No life boats for you my love,
I fear you might try and escape,
In time when the necessity is to hurt people,
For you posses a soft heart,
But love, have no pain,
Because it will grow cold,
With the cold winter breeze.

Remember my kin,
You will learn the most important lesson on the journey,
But most important of all,
The ship is at your command,
You steer it for it has no place to go,
You might also need to take a few people aboard,
Because some people are poor than the others.

Your destination will be a garden,
Where you will park your body,
And lead your soul into infinity,
Yes, Yes, that dreamy world.

But how you get there is important too,
Close your eyes,
Breathe in, Breathe out,
For this is the most important task of all.

The garden, 
Has a stairway to heaven.

Along your journey, 
The experiences you have,
The lives you save,
The good you do,
The bad you do,
The purpose you find,
The dreams you reach,
The depth you fall in love with,
The respect you show yourself.
These all beautiful elements will combine,
Creating luminous shinning rays, 
That will strap you like a belt,
And on you will reach,
The stair your deserve. 

Thus on from that stair,
You work your way,
Up to your heaven,
Now, you don’t want to have to work much after that.

So, choose your crew rightly,
Measure all things highly,
For I love you mu child,
The universe and the Love. 

Farewell for now,
Bon Voyage, my child.

-Naba Mehdi

An Empty Pot.

An empty building,
An empty house,
An empty soul,
An empty mind.

Empty is the beginning to all,
Lest it be big,
Lest it be small,
Y’ll grew from an empty pot.

A seedling in an empty pot,
A little water and sunshine.
and everything nice,
You see a nurtured emerging from the pot.

Don’t hate the empty,
For empty is the beginning,
All the good things rises from the empty,
For you too rose from the empty. 

-Naba Mehdi.


We come in this world alone. We die alone. They say we owe it ourselves to have a little company in between.

That is what companions are maybe. People to have some memories with. People to have in those moments between birth and death.

I am social, but I do not really like people. I sometimes find them annoying and prefer my own company, as did Sherlock. So I also have certain believes.

But first, what is a companion?

Companion in my opinion can be anyone or one’s who we share minutes with on the journey of life. Our friends and families. Neighbours and classmates, they are all our companion in different spots we sit at on the biggest journey that we are all experiencing.
Just like that, if someone is my companion, I am his companion too. We are all a ladder that we make with our bodies, one over the other and help each other out.

Our friends are our companions because with them we go to movies and play pranks at people. They are our partners in crime.

Families are companions because they support and understand us at each step of the way.

And then there is this other kind of companion. The love one. The one we date and if sticks around, then they are the ones we marry.
They become our companions for life. In happiness and sadness. In sickness and in health. The husband and wife companionship.

The beautiful companions. The beautiful life.

Fortunately, life is not only happiness but other things too.

I believe that yes we have companions and they help us through life but we also have this brain in where, loads of stuff is happening all the the same time. Too many emotions and sentiments are being registered.

So much stuff happens in our day.

A walk down the lane and we feel something towards someone.

Now, do we tell all this stuff to our companions.

Those who say yes to this. Yes, you try to but there is always so much to still leave behind.

It is just simply not possible to tell everything of what is going on in who you are 24/7.
Just not possible.

Because we can never tell everything. We are not manufactured this way.

We are all alone, loads of time. Even in the company of people.

So, yes companions are beautiful, they help and guide us. Nurture us with love and care. And we do the same to them in their time of need.

That is just how it works.

Yes, we are alone. Each and everyone of us. But we are not lonely. Some of us have to sleep alone in beds, but those with companions sleeping next to them also feel alone because the true extent of mind is not yet understood.

I think what we need to do is, cherish as many moments as we can with our companions. Let them be happy or for sad.

Because before the night comes, we will feel alone, one in those 24 hours.

That I can guarantee.

-Naba Mehdi.

The Short Span of a Life.

People who read my blogs, I am sorry, sometimes I write depressed, that is because I am constantly trying to know myself and understand myself. You know the inner-self, the motivational and inspirational being. I sometimes go in a place where nothing seems to be making any sense.

I try to know myself and be myself. Find my place in this world. A hard job really.

Why do we do anything in this world? Why are we living? Why are we consuming oxygen?

We can end our lives any second we want. Cut a vein and you are out. Simple as that. There is a reason that we do not do that. Not the fear aspect. Rather, we do not do that because we want to live.

Simple as that. How? Why?
We do not consider these questions.

We just lie around or do our jobs and live.
Is that why we want to live?
I guess, not.

So how does we on with that? I need to know. Because I can not seem to figure this one out.
There has been times when I have wanted to end my life. Could have. No fears. But I did not. Because, I realized I wanted to live. But what’s the point.

We die in the end. We have to.

What do we do with the short spans of our lives? Why have we been living it for all this time? It all vanishes. Everything.

Puffff … and it is somewhere in air, invisible far from our reach. Like these words or the 15 minutes I have spent writing it till here. Or the 2 minutes you have spent reading it.

Why were you reading it?
Why are you only realizing this now?

Why have you stopped?
Why did I just stop?

It is all so complicated and difficult and we all just ignore it. Pass by it without acknowledging it.

Why do I want to make animated short films this summer?
Why do I want to be a writer?

Why do I need a reason to live? How long can be this short span of life?

Why are there so many questions in this post?

Why? Why? Why? Why??

So many scaring Whys?

Let’s move on to the thing we need to do, it is a short span of life. WHY?

-Naba Mehdi.