Demon inside.

This is me. A bad and ugly picture. A one I would or no one else really would share on their social media accounts. Its not suitable.

I agree.

I agree, its that evilish look that this picture presents. A demon sort of. The Satan maybe. But what if its really me. What if its what I look like from the inside. None of us are pure or holy. We all have demons inside us. A monster that is filling us all from inside.

Lets being at the beginning.

When we come into this world, we are neither fully holy nor a monster. There is a tiny part of us, inside of us that is a demon child, a monster at birth. That’s it. That’s all the evil part. And there is this pure, this holy part of you. You are full of it. Outside and inside, that’s all that occupy you. The greatness and softness and being nice and polite and kind and pretender and all the world demands of you. You rejoice it. You rejoice the fact that you have something the world love, praises. That maybe you are one of those few people of the world who are actually true.

So lost in this flattery of outside. We forget that one little part of us, the demon child. We pretend that it doesn’t exist to begin with. And carry on with our lives. That monster grows though because no matter how much we deny its existence, it’s still there. It’s still a part of us. Us all.

That’s what darkness inside of you is. That’s what makes you feel so dark and dusty because while we are busy pleasing the world outside by our sweetness, that monster grows, it feeds on our soul, beats the tiny shreds of kindness we have, the dark wins over light. Its all happening, all inside of you or have had happened.

This darkness is an army, an army of none other than the monster you neglected all your life. Once it has taken over. Once it has over thrown the kingdom and sits on the throne inside your head, that when you realize of its existence. That’s when it hits you. That is when you fall back on the chair with a full pull and shake your head in your hands hoping to whip it or move it, dis-balance it but you fail miserably for it has roots deep, so deep that no matter how much you shake it, they won’t shrill an inch.

You fall into depression. You are scared. You resent the monster that now, you fear people may see it and resent you so you put on a face.  A face of pretendence, a face of pure goodness and nothing else. You heal yourself from the outside, shield yourself from any attack, the shield is strong, none can penetrate it but you feel like dying just the same. You feel as if someone is sucking the life from you. You gasp for air but none comes for your aid. Weird you think, it surrounds you, you inhale it, you feel it, feel it touching your face, nose and eyes and ears but none seems to be working its business.

Why is it happening to you? You never did anyone wrong. You were always good to everyone. Yes, you were, to everyone but one. There is this one, important than everyone else, the one inside of you. The one you have always been so ashamed of to show to the world. That’s what killing you. Revenge is a fatal thing, my friend.

That’s what happens. That is why most of us are scared when the lights turn off, when the world you live in becomes is dark because that starts remembering you of the darkness and the monster that now you hold in you. It becomes hard for you to breath and you shout for someone to switch on the lights and you sigh then.

This is me, the real me. Maybe and probably I’m worse then this, more deadly and fatal and dark and the monster inside may be worse then all of yours but I am not scared of it. I am not ashamed of it. I am not wearing that flesh anymore. I am telling you of the a flesh-less me that hungers for love only. I accept this demon inside of me. This monster. I am not pretending. I am not a pretender. I am not holy or pure. I do bad deeds all the time. Things i should not but yet still I am comfortable them most of you.

This picture symbolizes that! That I am a monster, I am but just ashamed of it. Not of who I am.

-Naba Mehdi


4 thoughts on “Demon inside.

  1. (Is there supposed to be a picture accompanying this post? If so, I do not see it.)

    I commend you, especially at your tender age, to be able to state this outright. At least where I live, so many people want to deny the spiritual, the battle you talk about that flares up inside, between the light and the dark. So many choose to starve their souls. Keep on going with your writing because this (for me at least) is the way to sharpen your battle sword: discernment that will help you to reject the dark forces and feed the soul.


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