Letters To Myself.

Dear me,

I am someone who can not share my feelings with anyone or tell them if i am sad or need help. I keep it all to myself and the place inside my head. Its Okay. I can take it. I have began to like Solitude. I have trust issues. I do not trust a single soul on this Earth or  the sky. Mainly because i have been let down so many times and enormously misunderstood. Lets keep it all aside. The people in this world haven’t been fair to me and in return i don’t like them.

The reason I typing this is,
I can’t write. I don’t know why but I can’t and I can’t tell anyone about it. Not that I don’t have any friends. I do. But I just don’t want myself to find in vulnerable hands again. It has been this way for so long. I had been fighting my demons. They hold the reins of me day and night, it kept on going until words found me.
Those people who do not believe in demons will find it even harder to believe in words. They have given up, those people. Fortunately, I am not one of them.

These words have been mine. I need not even tell them what i feel, they just understand the silence. I have been able to trust them blindly and I love them. They don’t demand anything and manipulate themselves into befitting my every need.
I am a 17 year old girl! Wild. Stupid. Young. It just falls into that. I am no one, just a kid, who knows nothing. I have not seen the world yet and so does not have the right to be sad or depressed or anything. I am just a kid.
That’s how the adults take it. I am just an ant in the world full of elephant. Words don’t let me feel that way. They does not make me feel like I am a kid and that i need to grow up to own them. They just let me have them. They are kind.

Sadly, for the past few months I haven’t been able to write. Its as if they have denied me. Like maybe, broken up with me. I don’t know what i did wrong. I’m access denied.They are maybe angry at me, I don’t know why, they won’t tell me but they won’t me embrace them either.
No one knows about this, because they don’t care. Adults don’t have time to realize that I am no longer bleeding words and people my age are just messed up in their own messes.

I was  writing this on a paper and then I would have put in an envelop and stacked it somewhere never to be found like many others but then I thought, Why not type it and post it on my blog. Its not like that anyone is going to take it serious because lets be honest, no one thinks that a teenage blog is worth reading for it will definitely be about a bad break up.

Now that i have typed 521 words, i feel good. It’s getting out of my system and guess what, who made it possible?
Words scribbled on a page.
I am gonna make it up to them. I have to.
But what lesson I’ve learned from this, no one is going to be there for you. You are all on your own. It may not seem like it but deep down it is. You just have to make peace with yourself, Love yourself and find what you do and make it happen.

I know what i want to do. I want to make people bleed reading my words! Words that i have written for them!

So, there Naba. Do not fret. You have yourself and these words of your. Beg to them if need be. Let go of everyone else and everything else. They are yours. You will find them along the way. And, most importantly,
I am always with you!

Yours Sincerely,
Yourself.

——————–

To the readers,

Don’t worry, I know, I wasn’t supposed to write it. If one day I manage to become a successful writer, it can be bad image for my CV.
I have written 11 previous post for all them out there. Keeping them in mind. Trying to be there for him. This one I need to write for myself. I owe it to myself and to these wonderful words, to claim it out in the world that i need them.
And also, once I’ve grown up, this post will help me remember what it’s like being a teen and misunderstood, so that i make act as words and help them, like these have helped me.

-Naba Mehdi

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