War Horse

It’s not the movie. Just the recollection of the movie of how we are all horses, in constant war with none other than ourselves.

The world is full of examples of battles and even bigger wars. People have seen them escalate, bring chaos and upheaval. Some have survived them and lived to tell their tales. Some have died as martyrs. Clouds of destruction have lightened above us and we lived them, feared them, comforted each other with the good times yet to come. Completed this circle of moving again and again.

Those who survived them, live in the shadow of its fear. Those who heard their tales are scared of them just the same.

These are the textbook wars, acknowledged throughout the world.
-The civil war.
-World wars.
-Greek Punic war.
-Persian war.
-The crusades.
And countless others.

We acknowledge them.

Yet, there is a war. One bigger than any we ever speak or read about. This is no ordinary battle. Every man from the beginning of time till the end of the it, is a soldier in it. Willingly or not, one must participate in it. It does not end to, it never does, we end but it doesn’t. We are scared of it just the same. Maybe, scared of it more than we are of any other. It haunts us, so much that we never talk about it. Pretend as if, it doesn’t exist.

This is none other, then the one we fight with ourselves. The one that takes place in our minds.

We come into this world and began doing things that are expected of us. Like faithful servants, go about doing our tasks. This goes on and on until one day we became of our existence. In those faithful years of us, we shape ourselves, unaware of doing so.

One day, we finally wake up. We enter the stage of awareness. We wake up to find out the we have then become. We start seeing the defaults of who we are. Society is the first we come to blame in such a state. We blame them and listen, the bragging, we have live in this society, so we must act as one who can fit in too. This is our life to live according to the rules of society.

This depresses us. But the peer pressure stops us from speaking of it.

Some accept it and live from that onward. Some don’t. Those who don’t, when become conscious, find themselves. Shred of themselves. Those shreds carry the lust to go one further on that road.

The battle commences, there is only one party to it. Ourselves. The us, who we really are and the us, who society make us to be.

We go in the hiding of our rooms and in our heads fight this vigorous battle.

Only one can survive, who is it going to be.

For me personally, it is between who I am finding myself to be. I began on this hunt of myself and the more I dig deeper, I more I fall in love with myself. I start feeling comfortable with myself, began to like this person I am truly meant to be. I fall in deeper with myself only to be shaken to realize that this person is loved only by me. It doesn’t fall in accordance with the society. It’s me against the world. Even my parents are rooting for the society version of me. Someone who I am not. No one gets that. They all want me to be that appropriate person.

That Is when the battle gets toughest. To decide who you will be. Who will you choose to defend for your life.

It doesn’t end there too. It further goes on. Once you have decided your champion, you stumble upon whether it was the right thing to do or not.

And on and on it goes, always finding some way in its own to be fought upon.

And we do it, silently. Never telling a soul about it. Pretending that no one ever goes through it. Being jealous of the choices others make, for we know the steps behind them. Fighting upon this too.

This battle inside our heads never ends. It always find something to feed itself.

There is no use pretending it doesn’t exist or that it comes after a certain age because it always is there. From the beginning, till the end. It never goes away.

This is the one that truly needs to be acknowledged. So to give people courage to face it.

-Naba Mehdi

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